Asking Him the Big Question August 9, 2007
Posted by Jill Renee in : Proposing Marriage, Romantic Tips , trackbackThis is a question that I recently got in an email that I thought I should share with everybody out there along with my response:
Dear Jill,
I would like to propose to my boyfriend. We’ve discussed everything from prenuptial agreements to both of our children. We live in separate places even though we’ve been together for 3 years. We share the same ideas, we talk a lot about everything thing, even marriage. My boyfriend is fearful, he’s concerned about having enough time and money. We both have our own finances, our kids get along very well. The kids even want to know when we are getting married.
What would be a good way to propose to him without feeling like I have made him feel uncomfortable? Your feedback would be appreciated.
Thank you,
T
Dear T,
Your dilemma is very common. You have found the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Everything seems perfect, yet your man is hesitant to make that final commitment. There are probably lots of reasons why not BUT you know there are lots more reasons to!
Make a list of the positive aspects of marrying. Then play the devils advocate and think of all of the reasons not too. Think like he thinks…put yourself in his shoes when you do this.
After you take the time to think through this for yourself, it’s time to talk with your man.
You need to be face to face because his body language will tell you a lot about how he is feeling. You need to speak from your head as well as your heart. After explaining that marriage is the next logical step in your relationship and that it is something from which you will both benefit. Listen to his response.
If he says no, I am not ready you will need to decide if you are willing to stay in this relationship with no hope of commitment. A good solution would be to say…ok I will expect that we will be engaged by …or we need to go our separate ways. This gives him time and doesn’t trap you in a dead end relationship.
I suggest this approach over just popping the question because you have both been in marriages before and have children. This method shows thought and will give you the best shot at helping your hesitant man get over his concerns about timing and money.
Hope this helps. Remember it’s just my 2 cents and I know you will make the right decision.
Best Wishes,
Jill Renee
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